"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk to blossom."

 I met my friend Ilona for a cup of tea yesterday. We talked how doing or not doing things, which are important to our future professional development, affect our emotional state. We shared some thoughts and examples from our daily lives.

 I shared a quote, which I've heard during Jen Rozenbaum's course about boudoir photography on creativelive.com: "Imperfect action is better than a perfect inaction."

 Ilona shared something, which I decided to write down and share with you, guys: "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."

 Now I'm sitting and telling myself both of those things, because I find thousand things to do, other than what is really important for my future right now: My Own  Photography Internet Site. It's been a while since I started working on it but I always come up with one more excuse why I can't complete it this week.

 The truth is that I'm extremely terrified of both success and failure. What if people look at my work and feel nothing and don't want to buy my services? What if they really like my work and want to buy my services? I will have to answer phone calls. I don't really like phone conversations. What if they freak out about my accent? What if I don't understand something they are telling me? What if I don't perform well? What if my images turn out unsharp? What if my customers don't like me? And I don't have a studio...

 Deep inside I know that all these questions is just a bunch of nonsens: people usually love to be photographed by me, they are comfortable, I find words to make them smile, they really like me, and enjoy looking at the images of them, which I took. Moreover, they print and frame those images, hang them on their walls and recommend me to their friends.

 So what the heck is wrong with me? Why am I afraid? What am I so scared of? To disappoint myself? To fail to create something outstanding every single time I pick up the camera? To see that I'm worse than world renowned professionals I learn from?

 I have a secret, which usually keeps me happy: I don't compare. No comparison leads to no competition, and when you don't compete, you can make friends and cooperate. Win-win situation is the key. Why don't I apply it to my art?

Creative process is so easy for me. I just sit and listen, and imagine, and pick the key words, and meditate on them. That's it! Images just come to my head as unique as the subjects I'm about to photograph. Who needs that though? All they want is to look good and have a nice picture. Why do I make things complicated? 

I also need to differentiate myself and find my niche. I love people, I want to capture their lives. I don't want to limit myself to shooting only one thing. I like maternity, kids, families, love stories, weddings, beautiful portraits of women.... I love telling stories, making people think and feel, showing them their own beauty through my eyes....  Why don't I try to do a bit of everything for a little, so I can find what I enjoy the most?

 - Remember, Luba, your photography is not about making money, it's about making love.
 -  I remember.

 - You can offer something unique, such as a fully customized photo shoot on location. How does that sound?
 - Awesome!

 - Sweet then! Get over it, suck it up and GO! Remember to breathe... I promise, you'll be fine.
 - I'll try...

 - No, you will!!!

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk to blossom."

 Just thought about something: I'm more terrified that my camera is going to fail than my car. Yet, my camera is more expensive than my car (yes, I know:), and there is nothing life threatening about camera fail. Basically, I'm more afraid of my images not turning the way I expect them to see, than I'm afraid of death. How is that?

 This post helped me to look at my fears from the side and truly laugh at them. What's the worst thing, which can happen anyway?
   
 Lol! I'll go upload some more images for the Site:)

 It will be creatureofsunshine.com, when it's ready. How do you like the name?

Roman - Yoga for Type "A"

 Roman teaches amazingly challenging, super rewarding, Ashtanga inspired yoga class.
 Every Tuesday I can not wait to put myself into a pretzel under his guidance at Prana Yoga.

 Are you intimidated now? Don't be! The class is really fun! We always take some time to joke and laugh:) Hard work puts you in a meditative state, when you truly stop thinking and just follow the instructions and breathe. Inversions give you a sense of relaxation, lightness, and peaceful joy afterwards.

 Everybody leaves the class smiling and comes back for more in a week...

Riza - True Yogi

 Riza has a sweet and calm nature. She is a full time yoga teacher, who enriches people's lives by making them feel stronger, healthier and happier.

 Working with her was a true pleasure. She was radiating peace during the entire photo shoot and made me love every second of it.

 Enjoy!

Phil and His Bird

 It was a while ago. All I had back then was a digital point and shoot and a very old, dinosaur, film SLR. I worked two jobs, went to school and had no time to think. Yet, I claimed to be THE PHOTOGRAPHER! Why in the world would I think so? Because, I believed, I could see something others couldn't and capture it on film. I had a sense of connection and belonging to humans and the world and believed, that I could open hearts one way or another through my photography.

 The assignment in my photo class at school was to shoot a series of images on some social issue. I had no doubts: I was going to photograph homeless people!

 My home country, Ukraine, considered to be very poor. Yet, growing up, I haven't seen homeless folks on the streets. There were some gypsies with their kids, occasionally begging for money, but that was pretty much it. I wanted to explore the subject and felt, that we didn't pay much attention to what was going on around us, and, certainly, were not helping nearly enough. I wanted to raise questions in minds and promote action and attention to the topic.

 Little did I know, that it was the most popular subject to pick. LOL! Instead of being unique, I was very typical. Who would think!

 I've been stubborn since I remembered myself, so when the teacher advised to change the subject matter and mentioned, that it's going to be very difficult to get a good grade, if I stick with it, I decided to do it anyway.

 For a few weekends I was strolling in East village, shooting, talking to people, looking at their faces, listening to their stories and feeding them. It became harder to fall asleep after those days. There was something newly discovered, I tried to learn to live with. There were stories of physical and mental illness, anger, abuse, aggression, hunger and hopelessness. I also learned a lot about fear of having my camera taken away from me.

 There were two opposite reaction people had. The first one was a hostile agression: they perceived my camera as a weapon, which possessed a huge threat to their relative and fragile safety. The second one was welcoming, warm kindness, spiced with a genuine friendliness. They were stoked that someone was willing to listen and hear them, and called me a "sweet angel." My accent, youth and mega old equipment really helped: it was easy to believe that I'm a foreign student and not any sort of reporter.

 It was quite a long beginning of a story about a guy, named Phil. I passed him by near Horton Plaza in downtown San Diego. He seemed to be an interesting character. I stopped by and modestly asked if he wouldn't mind to have his picture taken. He said nothing. And then I asked his permission to take some shots of his bird. He thought a little, asked me what it was for and which camera I used, and then agreed with a sense of pride and entitlement. I gave him all the gratitude and respect that I had.

 After that magic has happened: he started posing for me, in a complete silence, trying to make his bird do tricks and picking backgrounds on his own. I went along and did the very best I could. Let me tell you: a fully manual film camera with a fixed ISO under constantly changing light condition is not that easy to handle, especially while trying to focus on what's going on in front of its lens and connect with it.

 I kept saying: "Gosh, I wish I had a better camera, I just wish I had a better camera...." And he stopped, looked at me seriously and said: "It doesn't matter which camera you use as long as you have an eye for art and an open heart. If you are a genius painter, nobody cares about your brushes. You'll do well, don't worry about the camera."

 After that he decided to open up and share his purpose on Earth and sense of life. It was about feeding the birds. Not drinking or drugs, or science or reading books, or women or children, or politics. None of that. Just feeding the birds.

I got a fat "A" for the project in my class. The work has won two photo competitions for me. All of this is great but I need to share Phil's message with the world: "Do well, mean well and don't worry about the rest. Your tools don't matter as long as what you do comes from the bottom of your heart. And feed the birds!"

Authentic and Gorgeous Amanda

 This was Sue Bryce inspired, truly poetic shoot of a wonderful girl. 

 Amanda has a kind heart and artistic soul. She is the change, which she wants to see in the world. She does photography and graphic design, runs marathons, supports her boyfriend in pursuing his dreams as a painter, and attends vegan cooking classes. Her smile warms your heart,  and her thoughtfulness is a true gift of nature. Beautiful inside and out  - Amanda Grupp. 

Maternity Pictures

 There is nothing I enjoy doing more, than maternity shoots. I find pregnant women gorgeous! All of them!!!! I can admire them for hours, telling kind words from the bottom of my heart. They are so precious! And so cute!!!!!

 I know, I know, I'm getting a little too sugary sweet here... Oh well, this is how I feel. Can I express  my adoration at my own blog?

 It took more than 27 years of my life to realize that not every pregnant woman looks at herself with delight. It happens quite often that a constantly changing, growing body makes future moms feel insecure and less attractive.

 What can I say? I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You are so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a living evidence of the miracle of life, you have an angel inside, you glow... How in the world can't you see that????

Why do we tend to be so hard on ourselves?

The only thing I can do to help is to capture the beauty I see with my camera. And so I do...

Let's make photography a celebration of life and love! Cheers to that!

 

 

Ukraine: My Raped Motherland

 Before I post any pictures today, let me just say this: I'm happy to be Ukrainian, endlessly grateful for the ability to speak this melodic language, be a part of our rich culture, understand Ukrainian poetry and books, sing our songs, know our painful history and belong to such a  beautiful, deep, peaceful, warm and open nation.

 If I were given a choice to be born wherever I wanted, I would pick my parents and my country.

 No, I don't live there anymore. There are two things, which I don't want to deal with on a daily basis: a complete lack of self respect (and the lack of respect to others as a consequence), and our political situation, where criminals do, what they want because they are in power.

 I left Ukraine five and a half years ago to follow my heart, which fell in love with San Diego, CA in the fall of 2006. Surviving on my own in a foreign country wasn't an easy task, yet I managed to enjoy my life and be happy, despite working three jobs and going to school. At the same time, I couldn't decide whether I wanted to stay in the US or to go back home. For over than three years  I was contemplating between Ukraine and the USA and taking my life one day at a time.

 Things have changed dramatically during the last president elections in both countries. The thing is that I'm liberal to the core of my being. Political orientation is not a choice, it's something I was born with. Hoping that Obama wins was as natural for me as breathing oxygen to me. Ukrainian political arena was a little more complicated. There was one main question: whom do we vote for? The choice whom NOT to vote for was obvious: the head of opposition at the time, who could barely speak up his mind and connect three words in a somewhat decent sentence. The guy, who was accused in armed robbery and gang rape before. Not him, PLEASE, just not him....

A little preface here:

We don't like to talk about this, but Ukraine is culturally, politically, religiously and economically divided country. There is East and West, which are very different. Western Ukraine is cleaner, friendlier, much better looking, more religious and patriotic part, where people still cherish traditions and speak Ukrainian daily. I happen to be from ugly, industrial, Russian speaking East.  This doesn't change the fact that I love Ukraine, know Ukrainian and dislike Russian chauvinism.

 Orange Revolution of 2004 was a national attempt to reunite once again around the idea of fair elections, patriotism and better conditions for everyone. In 2005 we were full of hope that Viktor Yushchenko and Yulia Tymoshenko will lead the country to a glorious future. This never happened. Now it was 2010 and the nation was helplessly and hopelessly trying to pick between Tymoshenko and Yanukovych.

 I will never forget that day: I was sitting at work and browsing Internet as I came across Ukrainian news site, which said that Viktor Yanukovych has won president elections. I wanted to scream and cry. I couldn't do it at work. I was sitting in my cubicle, having terrible stomach cramps and suffocating instead. I refused to believe it. I left earlier that day to call my best friend, asking for news. She confirmed that the information I had was correct and refused to comment on it. She simply said: " I don't want to talk about it." I knew exactly how she felt. I called my mom afterwards to ask her how such thing could happen to our country. She got very defensive. She said that there was no alternative and that political force, which was in power at the time, didn't do shit anyway. I was devastated. I got it: people were so desperate that they voted for the opposition and chose to be blind about whom they selected and what the consequences might be. I stopped talking to my mom  for several weeks. I got badly sick for three days. Something died inside of me. I lost faith in my country and decided to stay in the US.

 I went home for the first time in five years in September 2012 to see my family and friends, be a guest at my best friend's wedding and hug my 89 year old grandma. To say that everybody gave me a cordial welcome - was to say nothing: I was bathing in love. It was also a time for parliament elections.

 One more thing I need to say before I post those images: Ukraine is a beautiful country. We have two seas and two mountain chains, churches and castles, fields and forests, amazing nature and lovely urban landscape. Not so much the city I'm from. Zaporizhzhya is a place of over 100 industrial plants, which were built in 1920-ties and gave occupation to the majority of the population. In the past two years a lot of plants stopped working because of politico-economical situation. Unemployed folks went on the streets to drink beer and smoke cigarettes. Please don't ask me where they find the money to do that.

 When I arrived to my native city, I had a culture shock and got depressed. For about three days I couldn't find a single thing my eyes could rest upon. Everything seemed to be ruined. The majority of pictures I'm posting today come from those first three days. I wasn't looking for ugliness, it simply screamed at me from every corner. I just captured what I saw.

 Please don't be in a rush to accuse me in being negative, just share my pain.

On the way to grandma's: entrance to the apartment building

On the way to grandma's

On the way to grandma's

On the way to grandma's: Political Agitation

On the way to grandma's

On the way to grandma's

On the way to grandma's

On the way to grandma's

On the way to grandma's

On the way to grandma's,  her mail box

My Most Favorite Person in the World: 89 Years Old

My grandma was about to have lunch when I showed up

My religious grandma...

Grandma's Bathroom

My Dear Grandma, saying "bye" to me:)

Streets of Zaporizhzhya

School Building

On the street

Just a random shot by someone's house

Social Ad, which asks to make a call whenever one sees begging kids on the streets.

Metal Industry

...and more smog...

A breath of fresh air in Xortica Island

Political Agitation in L'viv. As tiny as a house...

Our Dear President's Statue in the Opposition Camp.  Very Creative!

The poster says: Ukrainians, this Monster is Destroying You! Don't be Silent! 

This is a crossroad for Ukraine. Which direction are we moving: Russia, The USA, Europe